Today I managed 30 minutes of walking the hill, stairs, and everything in-between. I did Qigong and breathing, and listened to Dr. Noah. A milestone day - and I should be proud, but I am afraid to be. My body is telling me to stop. My heels are hurting worse each day. My back twinges are warning me it is on the verge of going out. I feel that familiar cumulative exhaustion building, the brain fog descending. Why do I always feel worse when I try to exercise??? It is so discouraging. I will talk to the Mayo doctor and see what he says, I guess. On a happier note, today marks 27 years of marriage for us. Our successful marriage is more precious to me than anything. It is my miracle from God, and answer to decades of despair, I am blessed beyond measure and so very grateful for my husband. We had a really nice dinner out with my sister and her husband. That might sound like no big deal to you normal human beings. But for me it's a huge deviation from the norm. I am not only a recluse, but you never see me out at night. Maybe once ever couple of years for something like this I'll ignore the tiredness, and rue the fatness as I struggle to find something that fits me, anything suitable for evening wear. For one thing my feet will not cooperate with normal shoes. I need squishy soled things that allow the painful bits a total cushioning. Hard hurts so that means my Dawgs plastic rubbery slide thingies. They are not pretty. For another I no longer own anything but PJs, jeans, sweats, and long sundresses. Partially because I don't work or go to church, or keep "polite" company. But also because we live out in the boonies on our 7 acres of woods with our 5-6 cats and chickens, none of whom care how I look as long and love me just like I am (as I'm cozy to sit on and feed them). With Sjogren's makeup is a thing of the past, my eyes can't take it and my skin repels any form of face makeup making it look like alligator scales with those tannish hued creases of gunk. It's so hard to fight feeling ugly, fat, and honestly, I am too weary to fully engage in conversation or with others. I am lucky if I stay up until 9. Then there's the low sodium, no sugar, reduced gluten (etc.) diet... So my point is doing that last night was huge for me, and it was very nice in spite of myself 🤣. 27 Years and Counting I wanted to repost something I wrote in an old, old blog. It is very long, and very romantic. It's the story of us. I tried to find all of the appropriate places to change the number of years. I may have missed a few. To read it, click "read more".
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I got up to 34 degrees that quickly rose to 63, sunny, and gorgeous. When it got warm enough, which came after listening to Dr. Noah and doing some basic yoga stretches with breathing, out I went to take off sheets and boxes, to release all tender and captured plants to the soft day. Yesterday was a good day. Sticking to my newly amended diet, but allowing enough of things like salt (lower sodium choices, tiny amounts or no added salt) and sweet (in dates and fruits) has become less burdensome. It helps so much that David is in on the fun, and as always, he helps with most of the preparation and cooking, too. Speaking of diets, why is it that although I am the one on one, and I am the one exercising, walking, meditating, etc., my husband is the one losing weight??? It just isn't right. A woman diets and her husband loses weight. It sounds like an old Yiddish saying or something. Oy. My breathing has been feeling that restricted way, even though my blood is fully oxygenated. It started last evening after a 15 minute hot tub and subsequent warm shower. But I was so cold and I ached, I regret nothing. Anyway, I had been about to go into my studio to write, but it was too brilliant and amazing outside. I set my alarm for 25 minutes and started to walk. Bootcamp is supposed to take 6 weeks to reach 30 minutes of walking, but I am blessed enough to be able to take that portion of the program more quickly. The woods called to me, and they didn't disappoint. As I walked I appreciated the soft carpet of pine needles and earth under my feet. I tend to look down, as the ground is fraught with giant pinecones and trippy-uppy branches - it is an actively living entity, and it is messy. I do NOT need a broken hip to add to my list of fun. There, shining in a patch of sunlight was a white feather. "That is portentous, if I remember right", I said to myself, intending to look it up when I got back. I picked it up and felt its softness. Then I stuck it behind my ear as I moved on through the woods, up the big hill. Because I look down as I walk, my deaf ears are tilted just right to hear my next encountered miracle. Even though it's been freezing, which puts into hibernation or kills many insects, I could hear buzzing. LOUD buzzing, like thousands buzzing. Bees of course. I looked up into the tree I was passing, and they were everywhere, happily drinking nectar or gathering pollen. It was like finding a burning bush. I followed a deer trail down into the lower meadow and checked on the ancient, gnarled plum trees to see if there were any buds. Not yet. There were little terrestrial orchids, standing like sweet, tiny soldiers. On the way back up the hill (I went the way I came), I found an amazing old piece of a tree. It was white and twisted, and had just the right angle to put into a garden where I'll plant something in its crook. I rescued it from its nest of tangled grasses and carried it part way back up the hill, until my heaving chest felt like it would explode. I put it by until next time when I'll carry it a bit further. At the hill's crest, in the little meadow by some downed trees, there were treasures of small red pavers, and big old concrete-step pavers we can use on our hill. There were also some strange Lincoln log type of concrete building blocks that previous owners of this property had left for me to find. One day I'll have someone gather them all up and put them together. So you see? It was a wonderful walk and I couldn't wait to tell you. Brrrrr. The temperature is dropping, and by tomorrow it's going to get even colder. Tomorrow night and the next, it's getting down to freezing. Next week off and on, too. I don't do well with cold. This morning I did my meditation and breathing, ate a healthy veggie-filled breakfast, and then went on a 20 minute walk through the woods with David and my handy walking stick. I had him snap a couple of pictures, here's one. Curved Tree This afternoon (well, it's already 2:35...) I intend to rest and do my exercises later. I'm kind of sore from yesterday's marathon! I hope to take a brief (safe) hot tub, I know it's forbidden, but dang I ache. This is one of those tough ones for me. Hot water has saved me so many times with my owies, we spend a lot on a therapeutic spa for me. I can't just quit using it, can I??? I promise I won't stay in long... Not being under a doctor's care yet, I feel like "it" hasn't really started yet. Funny how the mind works, eh? 1/15/22
GENERAL DAY I woke with the realization I had slept all night. This is a once or twice a year occurrence, a gift! Before I knew it, I had done all of my morning chores, had coffee, and caught up on my Bootcamp work (more on Bootcamp later). The Bootcamp catch up took over an hour - I was amazed at my stamina. We got dressed and went to do some running around. I had to return things from my Wednesday shopping, and got some more clothes for the Mayo trip, too. I also got some Sketchers Super Walkers for my exercise and walking. I hope they work to save my feet from the crippling plantar fasciitis and Achilles tendonitis. My feet were killing me by the time we got home. Up they went and ice-ice, baby! We stopped at a favorite fish place for lunch, and for the first time I ate "healthy", as much as possible at this restaurant. Grilled grouper, collard greens, a quarter of baked potato, and water. Aside from the excessive salt on the fish and in the greens, it was a good lunch. I'm not going to lie though, there is nothing like fried grouper. 'sob. While out I called my snowbird-sister, Kathy, to see if she and EJ wanted to come for dinner. We both had stuff for each other, and things to show one another. I iced my feet and we chatted while the guys went down the hill to shoot their guns at our range. David made a pork roast with carrots and onions, gravy, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, and green beans for dinner. He also made some Texas toast as an extra treat for he and EJ. OMGosh it was so full of comfort and deliciousness! He is a very good cook, he does laundry, and more! I am eternally grateful God blessed me with him as a husband. Anyway, a couple of glasses of wine-over-ice-with-water and a full belly later, I said my goodnights, thank-yous, and went to bed. BOOTCAMP So this Bootcamp I am engaged in is a very good way to take action (facilitated by Dr. Noah Greenspan and the Pulmonary Wellness Foundation). It doesn't matter at which level you are currently operating physically. It has valuable information, even if you think you know it all... Ask me how I know 🤣. Dr. Noah encourages you to follow your body's voice. Feel like a stretch just there? Do that. Catch up later with him. Can't do 4 minutes? Do 2 now, 2 later. Anything is better than nothing, and sometimes that's as good as you can do. It's okay. Because I was working on my Weebly blog site, I missed a couple days of education and exercises. I did walk those days though. This morning I did all of my catching up resulting in over an hour of breathing exercises, upper body and leg work, and learning about Qigong. After following along with Brian Trzasko, Qigong is my new favorite practice. It resonates with me on all levels - I can't do yoga, but God willing, I believe I'll be able to do this. David even participated! In Bootcamp Day 5C, Brian taught that this is a mind/body practice. It has 4 mindful "baskets" of practice. Movement, meditation, breathing and self-massage. What I really like is the gentleness, and forgiving nature of the practice. You are only encouraged to do what your body tells you to do, no more. No pushing the limits, going beyond the pain, or any of the techniques I am used to get myself to the next level when working out. Maybe one arm can go higher, the other isn't able to - you simple do what you are able. Can't stand? Sit. It's that gentle, loving, accepting nature that is essential for someone who has breathing difficulties, autoimmune exhaustion, and injuries (spinal and feet in my case). "Our bodies are always moving toward a state of healing..." With this practice I hope to eliminate those unhelpful elements (like inflammation), and allow my body to regenerate, and heal. It was an amazing, productive day. |
Author's NoteThis is my personal journal as I navigate life. What I say is from my perspective, it is my truth. I realize the implications of this kind of honesty, it is risky. Welcome
If you have some kind of lung disease, maybe you can offer insight and resources. If you’re newly diagnosed, maybe some of what I post will resonate. About Me I turned 66 in December... Read More Categories
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